It's Time for a Change

I have permanently moved my blog to felicitas.lifewithchrist.org

I will be deleting the blog on this site in about a week to give everyone time to change over.

We now have a forum!

I have added a forum to this blog because I feel like what I want to do is let us all help each other because we all have a different perspective and different struggles. So now we have a forum where we can all talk to each other and we'll see what happens. I have already posted a couple of comments on there so feel free to check it out and start commenting back.

The Real Me

Sometimes I am just a big jerk. Most days I am a pretty okay person to be around, but today I was pretty much the last person even I wanted to be with today. I had a very short fuse with my older son all day, I snapped at my husband over, of all things, not getting to look at fingernail polish at the store, and so on and so forth. I even found myself getting irritated with my seven month old son when he was crying because he is majorly teething right now.

I get so frustrated with myself sometimes, because I want to be this perfectly happy, perfectly well adjusted mom who has everything under control. I want to remember Christ's example for how we should live our lives and live it out 24/7/365, but I am lucky if I even get one civil word out some days. I judge people in my head and criticize others to myself, and still come off seeming like a nice person most days. What a crock! If people only knew how terrible I can be to my own family sometimes. It really makes me remember how far God has brought me. I have no hope of doing anything good without Him. If it wasn't for Christ's example I don't think I would even try, because to be honest, it kind of feels good to be a selfish jerk. If I had no conscience, no higher calling, I could be professional jerk. Always looking out for myself? It's what I'm best at.

It's funny how kids kind of change that in you, too. I am continuously having to put their needs before my own. I would like to sit in a chair all day and read book after book, but there is house work to be done, if I don't nurse the baby then he's pretty much done for. If I don't get my toddler food and provide some structure for his day God only knows what kind of chaos would ensue. I am not my own person these days, and I am sure it will be a while before I feel like I am again, but that is okay most days.

I realized that I am kind of starting to ramble, which I am prone to do at times, so I guess I just wanted to unload a little at the end of the day. I do feel better. I guess that's what this blogging stuff is all about. I don't really have any answers about what to do with a day like today. I guess I just keep on truckin' and pray that tomorrow I have a better attitude about everything. That's the great thing about life, every day you get to start over fresh and clean. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

I love you Mommy

Tonight my two year old son said "I love you Mommy" as plain as day on his way in to bed. It is the first time that he has said it so clearly. You don't know how much it meant to hear him say that to me. I will try to remember this instance when he is a teenager and I feel like disowning him.

I keep thinking back to when he was a baby, a time I can clearly remember as I hear my neighbor's baby crying inconsolably just like mine did. I felt like he would never stop, never sleep, never make it past the age of 2 months without me completely losing it. My days and nights consisted of rocking, swaying, nursing, burping and starting all over again. I thought the child would seriously never fall asleep. I slept at the same times as him, day or night, because I never knew when I would get to sleep next. I didn't get anything done except for what I had to do to keep me and him alive. Luckily for me he was my first baby and I have a saint for a husband. He picked up so much of the slack I let trail along behind me.

I sometimes wonder how my neighbor keeps going, and then I look over at my two year old as he is asleep now like a little angel. I remember looking at him like that when he was a baby and he would finally fall asleep. I hear those words "I love you Mommy" and I know he truly means it with his whole little toddler heart. You just take it one day at a time and tell yourself "this won't last forever." The crying, the sleepless nights, the sweet, loving whisperings of a toddler will be gone all too soon (or maybe not soon enough). So I try to cherish even the annoying things because they are all part of the ever-morphing package that is my child. My prayers and thoughts are with you Nai.

Our Treasure

Today I had a pretty good day. My youngest son is teething, so he was a little cranky. It was a little harder because he is usually very easy going and mellow, but today he would entertain himself for about 5 minutes and then completely flip out. Then I would have to pick him up and cuddle him or nurse him and he would calm down. Then we would repeat the process again. It brought me back to the early days of our first son. He was like that from the day he was born and he still does it from time to time if he gets really tired or sick.

My neighbor on the other hand has her kids switched. Her first was the "easy" one and her second tends to be a little high maintenance. We were lamenting together today about how we have this plan for our day, you know-get all the laundry done, pay the bills, take a nap, achieve world peace- the usual. And then the kids throw a wrench in our plans and we have a choice. Do we get angry that we only accomplished getting the kids and ourselves fed and dressed today or do we go with the flow and just thank God for the little treasures he has allowed us to have. I usually pick the first one, but I wish that I would stop and realize the second more.

My oldest son is two and he is just starting to say the cutest stuff. He thinks our closet is his school bus and he drives it all over town. That is priceless. My youngest son is 7 months old and he has just started saying "bwah bwah bwah bwah" all the time and with every emotion known to humanity. This is what life is all about. The precious little things that are here today and gone tomorrow. Did I miss one because I was worried about what I did or didn't accomplish for my self image today? What a shame if I did, what a missed blessing.

Holiday Recipes

I have added some holiday recipes to my recipe blog and I will be adding more in the future. I hope so have some really simple Thanksgiving recipes and some more candy recipes for Christmas. You can find the link to the recipes in the right hand column of this blog. Enjoy!

We are all in this together

I just wanted to clarify that this blog isn't just for Christian women or religious women. I am a Christian, and I am not ashamed of Christ, so that is going to come across very strongly in a lot of my posts. It is who I am and who I identify with. With that said, I want to share the burdens of any woman who happens on to this blog and finds something she was looking for. I am not the only mother in the world, the only woman in the world. This earth is made up of all different sorts of people and I want to welcome anyone who is struggling with the issues we women all struggle with to participate and interact through this site. Recipes and childrearing and marriage aren't Christian or Muslim or Mormon. We are all in this together, and we can all help each other. I just want to share my life with all of you and I hope that you will feel comfortable doing the same with me.

A little about me

Now that I have told you some of what I want to do with the site, I thought it might be nice to share a little bit about myself. I am a stay at home mom of two boys age 2 years and 7 months. That's right, we are crazy and our boys are 20 months apart. Although at times it gets a little nuts, we wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I have been married for about 3 1/2 years and we are still loving every minute of it.

I come from a pretty good background. Both of my parents are Christians and raised me and my two brothers to love the Lord. I had a somewhat troubled childhood, but I feel that my mom did the best that she could for herself. I don't know what her childhood was like, or her mental state when she raised us, and I can not stand in judgment of her because I am not her. My mom and I have definitely had our ups and downs, but I am glad to say that just recently God has really worked on my heart concerning my mother and we have been able to put the past behind us and truly be friends. I know that my mother will never be anyone but who she is and it feels so good to finally be able to love her for her, and not who I want or expect her to be. Isn't it amazing what God can do?

Some people reading this might wonder exactly what it was that I feel like my mom did to me as a child growing up, but I do not want to get into that because I feel like that Lord has forgiven her and I have forgiven her, so I want to leave the past in the past. But I also want to reach out to those who are hurting, so I just want to let you know that I have been there. I have walked the hard road, I have lived with the bitterness and it produced nothing but bitter fruit.

I have my own children now, and I plan on raising them the best that I know how and with the Lord's help, I can keep from repeating the mistakes of the past. On Sunday in church we were asked to share a verse that has changed our lives, and I didn't get to share because there were so many good verses, but I thought I might share it on here instead.

Philippians 4:4-9 (NASB) Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

This is the passage I strive to live my life by and hopefully it will encourage someone else today. I don't know if anyone will even read this blog, but I feel like I need to write these things, if even only to remind myself of God's marvelous working in our lives.

Food, food, food

When I turned 21 my mom gave me a cookbook for my birthday. Now this wasn't just any cook book. It was a collection of all the recipes she and other women special to her had created their entire lives. Some of these women are no longer living and some are still creating today. In the front of this book she wrote these words:

This is a very special time in your life. You have just turned 21 and the world is at your beck and call. This gift is from my heart and mind to you. Something of myself that I can share. I have compiled this all my life and I hope someday you also will share these with your children, your children's children and so the legacy passes on. Take hold of this special time and never forget it. Love always, Mom

It has taken a long time for these words to be dear to my heart and to truly appreciate all of the thought and effort behind this monumental work that my mom put together for me, but that is another post for another time. Needless to say, I feel that part of the purpose of this blog is to share each other's burdens, and one of my burdens is finding easy and inexpensive meals to fix in a moment's notice.

So I have created Daughter of Felicitas: Recipes blog connected to this one with easy recipes and links to other websites with easy recipes so I can help pass on this food legacy to others. Enjoy!

What Will Your Legacy Be?

So my husband started a blog a few months ago and I was thinking, "What the heck is a blog?" Now I have my own and this is my first post. I decided to start this blog because I feel there is a real need for women out there to share their lives, their struggles, their sorrows, their triumphs. I know I need that. So here we are.

You might be wondering about the name of this blog. I thought and thought about what I should name a blog about women leaving a legacy and of course I could not name it after anyone else but Felicitas. Here is an excerpt from Tertullian about her short but amazing life:

But respecting Felicitas (for to her also the Lord's favour approached in the same way), when she had already gone eight months with child (for she had been pregnant when she was apprehended), as the day of the exhibition was drawing near, she was in great grief lest on account of her pregnancy she should be delayed (because pregnant women are not allowed to be publicly punished) and lest she should shed her sacred and guiltless blood among some who had been wicked subsequently. Moreover, also, her fellow-martyrs were painfully saddened lest they should leave so excellent a friend, and as it were companion, alone in the path of the same hope. Therefore, joining together their united cry, they poured forth their prayer to the Lord three days before the exhibition. Immediately after their prayer her pains came upon her, and when, with the difficulty natural to an eight months' delivery, in the labour of bringing forth she was sorrowing, some one of the servants of the Cataractarii said to her, "You who are in such suffering now, what will you do when you are thrown to the beasts, which you despised when you refused to sacrifice?" And she replied, "Now it is I that suffer what I suffer; but then there will be another in me, who will suffer for me, because I also am about to suffer for Him." Thus she brought forth a little girl, which a certain sister brought up as her daughter.

I know the language is a little difficult, but basically Felicitas was captured and martyred in 203 A.D. for refusing to sacrifice to the gods. She gave birth to her daughter and almost immediately went to her death for her faith in the One True God. Her daughter grew up knowing how important that faith was to her mother.

This is my prayer for my children. That they will grow up knowing that their mother loves them and that she loves God more than her own life. What I want to do with this blog is to support and encourage women through all times in their life, so that they might be able to leave a legacy for their children and "neighbors" like Felicitas left for her daughter.